My first creative writing* experience.
Even in creative writing I'm thinking of TRE - and the prompt we were given was 'need'.
“I need your love”, she said.
He stared bluntly at her.
“No, you don't – you need air to breathe, water to drink – nothing else”, he replied.
End of story. Their conversations were always like that.
A heartfelt need expressed, a cold, hostile response. End of. No discussions, no empathy, no warmth, let alone any understanding.
She was seriously considering leaving this cold, loveless and generally dysfunctional relationship.
What's the point? Well … on the other hand, there was quite a big point so to speak.
He gave her all and everything she could dream of – except his love, that is.
“But everything else”, her girlfriends keep reminding her. The designer wardrobe and Hermes handbags, the precious diamonds and the exotic holidays – her girlfriends were envious, although they didn't understand that this really wasn't enough – for her at least.
Was she overly needy?
She certainly didn't think so – at least that's what she's learned in all these self-help courses and in endless counselling sessions. Her expectations too high?
No, definitely not, sure, she has high expectations, but she also has them of herself. Everything needs to be perfect, of the best quality and of the best standards – her house, her car and her appearance are a living testament of that. Her happiness only achievable when she has his love?
Well, yes, she thought, because she had everything else, he gave her everything else – happily, willingly and freely.
She often daydreams about how they fell in love.
And yes, she says 'they' not 'she'.
She was working for him, in a junior role for the successful, celebrity radio presenter. His ego so big, she often teased him about it – and he liked it.
He was mad about her and couldn't spend any time without her.
Then all that changed.
It was this incident, but of course, they never raised it, never discussed it – it would have been too hurtful.
“More hurtful than not getting what you really, truly need?” her psychologist keeps asking her?
“Well, but what's the alternative?”
“This is a question only you can answer – you probably know it, deep, deep in your body, in your heart”, her shrink said.
Why she can't find it, can't hear it, isn't interested in even investigating further is a mystery.
Not just for the professional, but also for herself.
Although her girlfriends remind her that Howard doesn't really want to find out as her custom pays nicely – over the years she's probably financed his bright red sports car – a Porsche after all. Isn't that interesting that even people like him seem to go through a midlife crisis?
Typical bloke needs a flash car to boost his ego.
Never mind – we are all human after all – even people who appear as if they've got it all sorted.
“But if that incident had never happened”, she says dreamily, her sad, green eyes gazing out of the window and into the distance.
Howard looks at her and against his professional standards, forgets his boundaries and feels so sorry for her that he gets up, grabs a tissue for her and gives her a warm, comforting bear hug.
An embrace so caring, supportive and all-encompassing, she hadn't experienced for ages.
“No, no, no”, she shouts loudly – don't go there, don't remind me, don't trigger everything I've buried. I don't want your love!”
Howard feels awful – and rightly so.
“Listen,” he says, “I'm really sorry, and I also know that I am not the right therapist for you anymore.”
She wiped away a tear, trying to stop her black mascara running all over her high cheekbones and nodded.
“Do you have a better recommendation?”
“I think it's about time that you rely on yourself, your own wisdom, in fact, your body's wisdom.”
She had no idea what he was talking about.
“I'd like to refer you to a friend of mine, who is a TRE Provider.”
“A Provider? I feel like you are talking a different language”, she said.
“Yes, it's the language of bodywork, somatic healing and empowerment … and it's non-verbal.
I feel it'll be perfect for you – you will learn how to help and heal yourself, how to gently face and then release your tension, pain and also the trauma you've buried so deeply.
And you'll get a chance to feel yourself and your body again, to connect with the true you – you told me you have had no relationship with your body since that i...”, he stopped abruptly as he didn't want to mention the i-word.
“Well,” she said quietly, but with a lot of hope and curiosity in her voice, “I'm willing to give it a try. Why should I continue to pay for your needs if I can look after my very own much better?
It already makes sense to me.
Thank you, Howard.”
Like my short story heroine, you deserve to feel so much better.
Let's have a chat so you can explore TRE and how it can support you.
Natural. Innate. TREmendous.
* I hope you enjoyed my story and please be gentle with me, keeping in mind that this was my first creative writing attempt. If you are an experienced writer, you might smile about it, which is OK, but maybe you'll find the message inspiring.
I'd also love to hear your feedback.
Comments