Hearts, chocolate, champagne … or eye rolls?

Isn't Valentine's Day a bit like marmite?

The annual day of love, romance and ... overwhelming pressure - or what's your take on it?

Whether you’re single and longing for love, blissfully coupled up, in a rocky relationship or grieving a recent or not so recent loss - this day can bring up a whirlwind of emotions.

One thing is certain, though:

Your nervous system plays a huge role in how you experience love, connection and heartbreak.

But what if there was a way to navigate these emotions with greater ease and find inner peace, regardless of your relationship status?

Here are my suggestions for every of the above categories.

If you are unhappily single – let's reframe things

If you feel like hiding away or hitting the online dating apps, you are not alone.

This day might trigger feelings of loneliness, inadequacy or despair or activate a mechanism of self-protection that suggests that love is out of reach, which then leads to anxiety or bad mood.

I hear you!

Yes, it’s 'normal' to feel this way, but it’s also important to remind yourself that your relationship status does not define your worth.

Agreed?

With TRE you can release deeply held physical and emotional tension (quite often from past heartbreaks), which can reduce your anxiety and improve your mood and resilience.

And TRE can help you become more aware of your emotional triggers, which will give you a chance to develop healthier coping mechanisms – rather than being on edge all the time, close to shouting back, you might notice giving a calmer, much more composed response.

What's more, those who have experienced any kind of trauma, particularly in childhood, might notice – like many regular shakers do – more resilience, better self-esteem and a greater sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.

And when your nervous system is balanced, you radiate confidence, peace, and ease – qualities that can be naturally attractive.

So, instead of seeing Valentine’s Day as a reminder of what’s missing, let's reframe it as an opportunity to nurture yourself.

Doesn't this sound much better and much more loving?

If you are happily coupled – deepen your love and connection

If you feel that Valentine's Day is just another commercial invention and you don't feel like taking part in even more consumerism by buying overpriced roses, calorie-dense truffles with too much sugar or hang-over inducing bubbly – but want to instead focus on yourselves as a couple, look no further.

Practising TRE with your partner can be a beautiful bonding experience, which can strengthen a close relationship and deepen understanding, trust and affection.

Once you've released pent-up tension (I know, it's present in the best relationships), your communication can become more open and honest.

And as some of my clients have fed-back: When you release physical and emotional tension, you may experience a deeper sense of intimacy and connection with your partner.

I'll never forget my female client who said that s*x has always been painful for her and the release and tremors really put her in the right mood to enjoy s*x for the first time.

Priceless!

Many couples find that practising TRE together creates a new level of intimacy.

By regulating your nervous systems together, you create a space of safety and trust where love flows more easily and can cultivate greater compassion.

And this can make you stronger together and more resilient to whatever life throws at you.

And if you've recently became a new parent

– practising TRE with your baby on your chest is the most amazing experience – for yourself as well as for your baby.

This is real connection, real bonding, real co-regulation.

And that's why I'm offering TRE sessions for you and your partner.

I'd say, that's the best Valentine's present – but I'm biased, of course.

If you are struggling in your relationship – start healing stress and conflict

If you experience far too many arguments, have become emotionally distant or disconnected, your nervous system might be stuck in Fight or Flight.

You might be questioning whether it's possible to improve the situation or if it's more sensible to give up.

Stress patterns – also from past experiences – can make it tricky to feel safe to open up in a relationship.

Of course, TRE won’t fix a struggling relationship overnight, but it can help you to find calm and gain the inner peace needed to make choices — whether that means healing together or recognising when it’s time to move on.

This might be the best moment to remember that

TRE is also used as a tool in mediation.

David Berceli, the creator of TRE, describes in his book one particular session when he was working with a group and

“as they were lying on the floor, tremoring, they realised that their individual tremors were somehow connecting to others who were lying on the floor tremoring. At one point, one of the participants remarked, 'It actually feels like we are one vibrating organism. We aren't separate. It's as though our individual vibrational fields have expanded to become one large vibrational field of which we are all a part.'”

Afterwards they described

“the paradox of being a separate person and yet a part of the collective whole.”

David has facilitated many TRE sessions where he worked with Palestinians and Israelis, Muslims and Christians, Northern and Southern Sudanese, Eritreans and Ethiopians.

He describes:

“The change was astounding. In fact, the two groups could not believe how much they were able to change their thinking, feelings and behaviour by addressing the issue of trauma recovery prior to attempting dialogue and resolution of their conflicts.”

Anyway, I'm probably ahead of myself with these fairly extreme examples, all I want to demonstrate is that TRE can be healing and can most certainly lead to more understanding and appreciation of your partner and their viewpoint.

And it's a fact, that once the nervous system is back on a healthy, regulated base line, once pent-up anger, resentment and other negative emotions have been released, space for healthier interactions can be created and relationships can become much better.

Instead of reacting from a place of old wounds, you can respond with clarity and emotional balance.

And when I'm talking about relationships, I always mean relationships with self, your body and also with others.

Sounds promising?

It's worth considering, especially if you've tried couple counselling or it isn't an option at all as one or both of you don't want to talk, dissect or analyse. Or indeed as a somatic add-on to cognitive therapies.

If you've recently separated or experienced a bereavement – processing heartbreak and loss

Yes, I'm totally aware that these are two VERY different scenarios, for the sake of this exercise, I decided to put them together, though.

In both cases we are dealing with feelings of grief, sadness and even anger that might be overwhelming and very painful.

Heartbreak and grief isn’t just an emotional experience, it’s also physical – as … The Body Keeps the Score.

Hence you might be experiencing tightness in the chest, a lump in your throat, exhaustion or fatigue and even chronic/psychosomatic aches and pains.

Of course, nothing can replace the big gap left by your loss, but if you can gently support your body through the grieving journey, it can make the process more bearable.

TRE can help to process grief and loss by moving through grief, rather than getting stuck in it.

And by releasing suppressed emotions and allowing yourself to feel your feelings fully.

And no, it's not about suppressing or ignoring your pain – it's about addressing the underlying trauma and processing and releasing it in a safe and healthy way, which can make room for healing and renewal.

What we can release doesn't make you ill – what stays in the body, does.

Over time, as your nervous system finds equilibrium, you may feel a greater sense of connection to yourself and even to the memory of your loved one in a way that feels comforting rather than painful, while cultivating a greater sense of inner peace and acceptance.

One of my TRE colleagues, who lost her husband after a long illness, credits TRE for her recovery that gave her the strength to rebuild her life.

It also reminds me of this feedback by a client who went through a relationship break-up:

"What an amazing gift TRE is! It has helped me to make a move, to close the door and to stay open to the next chapter. TRE is really powerful. And sometimes it's better not to talk and let the body do its thing."

If you are in similar situations, I so hope you'll find the right tool to help you heal and to see the light at the end of the tunnel again. If you think it could be TRE, I'm here for you, of course.

Beyond Relationships – self-love comes first

Regardless of your relationship status, the most important thing is the relationship with yourself.

TRE can be a valuable tool for cultivating inner peace and emotional well-being.

When your nervous system is balanced, you will be much more able to navigate love, loss and everything in between.

This Valentine's Day, you might want to consider prioritising your own well-being, strengthening the most important relationship of all.

I invite you to explore the power of TRE and discover how this simple yet profound technique can help you navigate your emotions, cultivate inner peace and find love, joy and energy – regardless of your relationship status.

After all, the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself!

Remember, your body already knows how to release stress.

TRE simply reminds it how.

If this resonates with you, let’s chat, you might want to share your story and I’d love to show you how TRE can support you.

Let’s start this journey together.

Natural. Innate. TREmendous.